* New.

Imagination is key.

I believe that the happenings in the universe are at random, set on shuffle.

I believe that beauty can be found anywhere.

Everything is conditional.

Reality/Humanity/Society.

I believe that mistakes are the foundation of a masterpiece, not the flaws.

I'm starting to accept love into my belief system, again.

Maybe, I'm just so cold... because I don't have any arms to hold me?

My thought process is at random.

Today's my birthday.

Carmel-Apple pops are the bomb-diggity.

I'm so glad I'm cool enough to say that. 

This is just one of those scatter plots full of thoughts.

Have a good morning/pleasant evening/good life.

I've been slacking.

I've been lacking. I'm sorry. 

I have so many things to think about, and so many of them I should not be thinking of. Here are some things on my mind:

Dear J,

I want this to last. I want us to last. I know that we're not official. But, I gave my heart to you a year and seven months ago, when we were. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to hold you, laugh with you, and look you seriously in the eyes. February will be two years, and I'm hoping that you'll realize how much I do care, how much I hope we can do this. I want to be better than all those other girls. I want to be the only one you'll want or need. I want you to be mine, I've always been yours. In the mean time...

Dear South Carolina,

Stop popping up everywhere I go. Stop showing up in books, the internet, TV, and casual conversation. I already think about him enough, there's no need to remind me just how far from him I am. Thanks.

Dear M,

If you read my blog on myspace, then you already know how I feel. Though, I doubt you'll ever read it or even this for that matter. But, it helps me feel better when I let it all go. I forgive you. I'm letting go. I know what I want and it's not you. So, I'd rather not waste my time being angry with you. The only problem is that I will never, ever forget you or what you've done to me. I'm so angry, I'm so hurt, I'm so upset. But, you didn't break my heart. You didn't destroy me. You didn't do all those things that all those other girls complain about. You changed me, and helped me grow. I hate the way you did it, but you did. So, instead of telling you how much I despise you.. I'm thanking you. Thank you for helping me grow up. I'm sorry that you never will, considering you're 3 years and 3 months older than me. On a side note, I hope you stop having sex with little girls, who are so filled with emotion. Go find someone like you, who doesn't care about anyone or anything.

And now, I'm off to Psychology to talk to Heather about all three of these things and how I should be getting my car sometime before March. Then, it's time for a road trip, time to get what's mine. March 12th is going to be the best day ever, I love you Justin. You are the closest thing to "my everything" that anyone will ever be. You make me stop thinking, and start feeling. I'm not sure if it's good or bad, but for now... I'm just going to feel.

The Dreaded.

It's back to school for the kids of Hazelwood.
I think I'm the only person who isn't complaining.
Which is funny because I'm always talking about how high school is a waste.

I'd rather be in college,
I'd rather be a year closer to getting to know the world.
I'd rather be anywhere then where I am.

I really love my classes this year, though.
I have a feeling my AP class is going to be challenging.
But, writing is a gift of mine.
It's the "focus" thing that's going to mess me up.

I can create a whole new world in my mind,
in a single class period.

Zoning out, isn't really an option.

If I want to change the world, I'll have to wait.

I think I'm ready to face that now.

Relationships.

Suck.

I don't know what I'm getting myself into.

Never Enough.

I gave and gave. And for what? Nothing. You've never given me anything in return. All you do is take. Take and take, until I have nothing left to give. Nobody left. You are the most selfish being I have ever experienced. I'm done giving. You've had your last chance and I'm done trying to fix your mistakes.

Fuck forgiveness, hold a grudge.

Warped Tour.

Was amazing and disappointing at the same time,
long story.

High School.

Is such a waste of time.
It's insulting, too.

The only thing you should need to learn is how to think for yourself.

Girls.

Have you heard of class?
Honestly, you disgust me.

They talk about how much they hurt,
and never do anything to change it.

I'm glad I don't believe in love,
rather I don't think it's a state of being.

No tenses, no excuses.

I want the real things, the beautiful things.

The things that I can touch, and see, and feel.

Maybe, I'm asking too much?

But, I'm just a girl. Unlike any other, but still prone to feminine ways. Sue me.

Obvious.

I don't miss you.
I miss the idea of you.
Everything you could have been,
but never will be.

I'm as open as the ocean, sometimes just as deep.

Rapist glasses.

I love shit like this.

Just a note.

I don't try to make myself sound like an idiot, it comes naturally.

Somewhere.

What if there was a land over the rainbow? Would you take me there? Would it be more beautiful than either of us had expected? Would you walk besides like we did back then, when we were together?

We were never together though, not truly. There was a moment where we were joined, not by love. It was a different emotion. I hate to admit that you are my one regret.

If you would let me, I could fall for you.

That's a lot coming from a person who stopped believing in love.

Relax.

So many things on my mind.

I could REALLY use a back massage.

You would think.

That I'm human, with all of my emotion.

That moment.

You're charming. You know what to say, when to say it, and to who. I'm the observer, the onlooker. I don't do things that are watched, or critiqued by the eyes. My work comes from the mind. But, you do what you do. People watch you, always. Sometimes, I'm envious.

Then I remember that I've been there. I've watched you. I've seen what it is that you do. You touched me, it touched me. That moment. The one where I felt wanted and cared for, meant for something. But, it wasn't. I wasn't. And the moment ended, like they all inevitably do. I'm still alright. Things happen and things don't. I'll just wonder and wander, with you in mind.

Random.

I probably think more in a minute or so, than most people do in a day.

Glad.

That I've started my blog over, it gives me a fresh feeling.

I've never wanted more than that,
a fresh start.

I wish I played God in my own life,
instead of just with my blog.

"Oh a mistake? Delete."

Life would be swell.

Desperate.

I want to see the world,
and I want it to see me.

Everything I am, out in the open.

I can't wait for the day MY life starts.

Beautiful Things

I wish I could hold belief in them.

I wish I could believe in fate or destiny.

I wish I could believe in anything, without doubt.

We're all alone, isolated creatures.
To me, that's beautiful.

It's like a ticking clock.

A moment becomes minutes and hours and days.
I hate seeing people wasting away their lives,
throwing them to something I don't believe in.

To be anything less than extraordinarily happy,
To settle on the mediocre, is such a waste.